On this page, (for fair-skinned people) learn to save yourself some sorrow by:
- being balanced in your tanning expectations
- being burn-safe rather than sorry
“Hot dog, you’re burnt!” Many travelers, living where it is cold in December, like to use their holidays to go somewhere toasty. Plus, for many Caucasians, they have this tanning complex where they must have a tan at all times including the dead of winter if they want their friends to like them. To anyone else though, they’re still white, always will be, because white people are…white.
This article will consider why it is unwise to leave the sunscreen at home so you can squeeze every second of sun on a week-long vacation. Herein contained are precautionary woes of those who wish to go from ice to spice…
SPF—Silly People Formula
I’m quite pale myself, and will burn more easily than my more olive-skinned wife. So the following warnings are to the fairer shade of people. (You know who you are)
Yes, Caucasian people can be very strange sometimes. They have one week in a warm place and they are determined to come back looking like they were born in a copper mine. Instead, if the saying is true that you are what you eat, they must have gotten gift cards to Red Lobster. Or maybe they lost a fight with a stick of lipstick.
Tans can look really nice. But burns hurt. If you have a week to enjoy, the point should not be to make your coworkers jealous when you get back that your body appears to be embossed with bronze. The point should be to experience things you can’t in your home country, not to come back looking like you contracted scarlet leprosy.
Too many fair-skinned Caucasian tourists avoid sunscreen like the plague. If this refers to you, please know that you’re not a coconut. You’re a Twinkie… (think about it…) but don’t worry, Twinkies are nice too.
You will tan with sunscreen still. But you will burn without it. You will stay awake all night in pain, and be miserable during the day, wiping aloe vera on your skin by the bottle full, sitting in front of the fan, not wanting to go out. It’s not worth it, it can be a trip breaker. Apply sunscreen occasionally and sit in the shade once in a while. Feels better sometimes in the shade anyways. Maybe even cover up a bit.
I speak with experience. One time in Belize, I skimped on sunscreen in favor of getting a little darker, but guess what? Ya, I burned. A blunder to be sure. Rolled on my shoulder that night and found my skin had stripped off my shoulder, left in little curly rolls. 3rd degree burn, silly. The pain in the shower that night was excruciating. The water hitting the raw skin felt like my shoulder was in flames. I screamed (in a manly way though). My roommate thought it was because of the cockroaches in the tub that weren’t scattering because we had no power. But it was mainly due to my not taking care of my skinny-skin-skin. Cautionary tale…
If you have your wits about you whilst on vacation and take care of your fair skin, chances are you’ll have a lot more fun, and ironically, your self-esteem may be higher than if you came back being a shade 4 instead of a shade 3.
Oh, and you may need help putting sunscreen on your back. The red outline of a hand somewhere on the lower shoulder blade is a symbol of someone with no friends, or just not the brightest specimen.
If you’re complexion is from olive to black, then I hope this article served to amuse you, or perhaps enlighten? No? Just amuse? Got it.